I fear you
by Arete Panthar
Summary: Sweeter than it sounds! Dripetis thinks about how she feels towards Hephaestion.


Hey there! Another one with Dripetis and Hephaestion. This one was inspired by another song (as you can see, I love wrtitting songfics), it's in Spanish but I translated it, and its parts are in italic. First I had acutally written a more "angst" story I guess, but something was bothering me, so I decided to make a "softer" version. But if you like, I can also publish the first version. The song is called "Te tengo miedo" (it's Spanish for "I fear you"), by Adriana Mezzaddri. If you like the lyrics, I really recommend that you listen to the song!

Anyway, hope you enjoy the story! :)

* * *

Dripetis sometimes caught herself thinking about how she felt when she was close to Hephaestion. The mysterious general, the closest one to Alexander, who from a formal distance was serene and polite and stole everyone's glances. The same one who revealed himself as a gentle husband, and when he talked to her, he would make a volcano of emotions erupt inside of her. She felt as if she consumed herself in the heat of her blushing face when she realized she adored him.

 _When you spoke to me of love and I made you silence,_

 _Burning inside_

And when he parted in campaigns far away, she was always afraid that she would lose him. In fact, before any bad news arrived, she already felt as if she had lost him.

 _I lost you like the wind that blows and goes_

 _Without announcing._

Sometimes, when this unjustified anguish was more insistent, Dripetis would grab a small handkerchief that Hephaestion had given to her and would caress her face with it, trying to hold some stubborn tears that insisted on falling. When she needed to soften his absence, that's what she would do.

 _I only have left one portrait,_

 _In some corner of my habitation._

 _Somewhat hidden,_

 _Close to an ancient book._

 _Almost forgotten, but still with me._

Something that she had never admitted to Hephaestion was that she feared him. Yes, she feared the effects that his presence had on her. She feared everything that was agitated inside her whenever he got close.

 _And when I feel you close, my hands shake_

 _It's that I fear this gypsy love._

Her emotions left her so confuse, that she barely knew how to distinguish them. In the beginning, she felt a terrible anxiety whenever he approached her. Her hands sweated and trembled, her breath changed and her eyes did not know where to fixate. Within some time, this became more under control and became something that made her confusedly happy. She could say that, as time passed, she adored him. But she couldn't stop fearing the powerful fascination that he held for her…

 _And when I feel you close, my hands shake_

 _I fear you…_

 _I fear you…_

Before she saw him as an invader. Because that was all she knew about him and about all the other strangers that had arrived to Babylon. She was afraid, and didn't know what else to think. But seeing the courtesy with which Alexander had treated the mother queen, and how his most intimate friend was equally respectful, she saw herself incapable of not directing more attentive glares to him. If even the mother queen gave so much attention to the newcomers, why couldn't she notice more carefully the second-in-command? (Although in that time she still couldn't pronounce his name correctly). And if it was precisely he the one who attracted more glares…

Sometimes it seemed dangerous to her that she felt so attracted to him. But when she thought about getting away from him, she found out that she simply couldn't do that. It was as if, even though she did not mean that, she wanted to be always near him. A paradox that she could not solve.

 _When I thought of getting away from you,_

 _Without meaning it, I got attached to your life._

And Dripetis could barely imagine that she would end up being his wife. In her head they would choose a more distinct lady, not her, the youngest and shiest daughter of the king. And when that happened, she, confused and scared, didn't know which feeling spoke louder inside of her. They all seemed to scream – the fear, the anxiety, the curiosity. But specially, a joy that did not scream, but seemed to wrap all the other feelings, and that sooth her down. And she was even more soothed by the warm tenderness of her husband, that made her, with a few minutes in his arms, become serene. If she didn't know what to think of a stranger that invaded her country, now she would ask him never to leave her.

 _Today I ask you that you never tell me farewell,_

 _That you never say goodbye._

And his eyes, his eyes were a preciousness themselves. She had never seem eyes like that. They seemed to be jewels fashioned by the gods themselves, that shone when the sun reflected upon them. In fact, they seemed to have their own light, as if they were a star that was detached from the sky.

 _It's still night,_

 _A divine light_

 _Shines in your eyes,_

 _And dawn comes._

Hephaestion maybe was suspicious of her fear, because sometimes he looked at her with his eyebrows frowned, as if he didn't understand what happened inside of her, but sometimes he had his brow furrowed and a roguish smile on his lips. But he could never know the extent of this fear, that made her at the same time confused and happy when he got close to her.

 _And when I see you, my hands shake_

 _It's that I fear this gypsy love._

 _And when I feel you close, my hands shake._

 _I fear you…_

 _I fear you…_

That's how she feared him. And this way she thought, now some time after he had died. The pain had calmed down, even though it bothered her from time to time. And in these moments, she would whisper in her mind to the wind that gently blew through her hair:

 _I fear you…_


End file.
